Tag Archives: Goals

Gratitude Is Still the Attitude

eleanor roosevelt - discuss

Hello to all!

Hope this post finds everyone doing well. Yes, I have been gone for a while, haven’t I? No excuses; it has been far too long!

It has been an interesting year, and I began to concentrate on other things. While I have not neglected my recovery, I obviously have neglected this site. To those who were following me, let me offer my apologies. I will make a renewed effort to write more often in this, the New Year.

This year, like any other was filled with many obstacles I’ve had to navigate; some ethical, some social, some business, and some spiritual.

There have been times this year when I had to make decisions that have put some people off. This is unfortunate, but in the end, I did what I thought was right. Those that were put off can either do their best to see my perspective, even though they don’t agree, or, they can just be put off. Their choice.

In the course of writing, one has to be ever mindful of political sensitivities, as well as personal viewpoints. I have striven to write quality content that is honest, on message, without unnecessary distraction(s) in the outlets I write for. If something is not on point, relative to the story, and the message or theme, I do not bring it into play. In these outlets, I am writing for a specific community, and I see it as my job to be informative, honest, accurate, always moving conversations forward in a productive, positive way. I do not feel I’m be duplicitous by doing this; it’s my responsibility, above all to be professional.

On the social side of things, I have made some changes; some small, and others not so small. I have not been a person that gives with the hope of “getting something in return.” There are those who can not really do anything for me other than be positive, and encourage me. To some, that might not be much, but to me, that is huge! My greatest joy has been to help these people in whatever way I can, even if it is something small, but I know it means a lot to them.

There are others that have helped me in ways that I can not ever repay, tit for tat. As I am usually the one saying, “Don’t worry about it,” this has been difficult for me when I am the one that can not pay someone back, in whatever way. I am getting better though. And, it makes me feel good inside that people care enough to help me achieve my dreams and goals.

There are some adjustments I have made this year as far as dealing with people during the course of “doing business.” Naturally, if a situation becomes intolerable, and the relevant issues can not be resolved in a mutually acceptable manner, one must simply walk away, moving on, and be thankful for the lessons learned. Sometime however, it is not best to move on, if there is a possibility that issues can be resolved.

The biggest issue I’ve dealt with this year has been with people taking me for granted. (Yes, I know that sounds so self-absorbed, but in reality, it is just a matter of practicality, truth, and self-respect.)  In the past, I have given people the benefit of the doubt, but this year, for some reason, I am less and less inclined to do so. There are two ways this happens: Those who just get busy and caught up in their own lives, and those who consciously do it just to squeeze the most they can get out of someone.

If the person is someone close, and someone who is important to me, I’ll see what’s up because maybe there is some serious shit going down in their lives I was not aware of. If I can assist them in some way, and they want my assistance, I will give it.

If it is someone with whom I must do business with, then I am inclined to bring it up and discuss relevant issues. If there is no change, then I speak through actions, or more appropriately, lack of action. Just as silence can be deafening, and as Miles Davis aptly said, “Less is more”, I do not do the extra I had been doing before. I don’t pick up someone’s slack anymore. I carry my weight, and I execute my responsibilities to the best of my ability, but everything else is no longer my concern. (Yes, I am concerned about it to the extent I want it to work out well, but if it is beyond my control, I have to let it go.) And lately, I do not feel angry, nor do I feel guilty. I have worth, as do we all. That’s not conceit, that’s fact. So, for those who no longer value my efforts on the team’s behalf, I guess they will have to pick up the slack, or show me they value my contributions.

As for me, just as me, I have made some strides. On the plus side, I am meeting new people, learning new things, and visiting new places. My recovery is in a good place, and on the 26th of December, I celebrated 26 years clean and sober.

Things I need to work on: Quit smoking and lose weight. Learn more, do more, be more.

The best thing about 2014 is that I am ever more grateful for my wife, Teresa, who encourages me, kicks me in the ass when I need it, and knows me, and loves me anyway. Sure, there are days we drive each other batshit-crazy, but in the end, she is my best friend. I am grateful as well to have a roof over my head, food on the table, and the opportunity to write about the music I love. I am grateful for these past 26 years that I have had, which I would not have lived had I not sought sobriety and recovery.

So, in the end, Gratitude is still the attitude!

Take A Chance … On You!


Steps (St. Augustine, FL) Image ©Kerzner 2012

What am I gonna do now? Where am I gonna live? Are they gonna keep me at work? Is s/he gonna divorce me now? What then? What about the kids? What about insurance? How am I gonna show my face at work now? Jesus: playing this game straight? How the hell am I gonna do that? What the hell am I gonna do now? I’m done. Jeez …

We all remember those thoughts going through our heads when we hit bottom, no matter what the situation was; drinking, drugging, gambling, sex, abusive relationship … whatever. We were at Ground Zero. We were lost, scared, confused, and a hair’s breath from hopeless! Think about that: It’s probably as fresh and real now as when we went through it, however long ago. We had to start all over, with the very basics! We had to unlearn all the dysfunctional personal and social habits that were ensconced in our very psyche. In some cases we had to learn other basics that had been denied us due to circumstances: reading, writing, or balancing a checkbook (because we couldn’t, didn’t and/or were not permitted to handle the finances). We had to learn how to relate to people without our charades, crutches, and facades; you know, all the lies we told ourselves and everyone else. Oh, and by the way, we had to find new playmates and playgrounds too. Now, who wants to stand up and say that all of that was not a terrifying mess!

Guess what? We picked up the pieces of our shattered and damaged souls, and with the help of others, we traveled the road to rebuilding ourselves. That has been a lot of hard work and we did most of the heavy lifting. Hopefully, we are now at a point in our recovery where we are minding the basics and doing daily maintenance. Life isn’t roses every day, and some of us lost a lot (maybe even everything); but things are a lot better than they were. Best of all, we now have hope.

So friends, realizing all of this, why would you tell yourself you can’t go after the dreams you have for a better you? Having done all you have done (believing at the time that none of it was possible), why would you doubt yourself? Go ahead: Take a chance on you!

Scared To Dream?

Boston Alleyway

There are various kinds of recovery, and various obstacles to overcome in each case. There is however, a common thread in all of these: damage has been done. This damage can be physical, emotional, psychological, or all of the above. It really doesn’t matter if we have inflicted this damage ourselves, or as in some cases, it is caused by the actions of others. This applies to co-dependents and family members as well. Everyone in the family will experience fallout in one form or another. This damage affects lives in a very real way! One of the major casualties of this damage is the spark we once had in our spirit; the excitement of looking to the future and dreaming about it.

There are many reasons people stop dreaming:

Resignation – The belief that we are consigned to the life we have and that this is as good as it will get for us.

Being comfortable with the familiar –  After all, change is a huge, scary unknown, and even though our current situation is less than ideal, it is familiar.

We are not deserving enough – We have done nothing special or exceptional and surely dreams are for others, and not for us.

We were told we will “never amount to anything,” and we have come to believe it.

Part of recovery is that we take a holistic approach to healing ourselves. This healing includes our physical being, our mind, and our spirit. This healing will be incomplete and ineffective if we heal only part of ourselves. To heal completely, we must heal all of who we are so we can become who we are destined to be. The status quo can no longer be good enough. We can no longer be comfortable in the familiar. We will no longer stumble through the day believing we have no worth to others, or ourselves. We can no longer listen to those voices that lie to us and tell us we are not worth reaching for our dreams. Dreaming is an exciting journey, filled with frustration and reward. This excitement keeps our spirit engaged and keeps us enthused. Dreaming means we are moving forward, reaching, growing; leaving the wreckage of the past, and old ways behind. Dreaming means we are confronting our fears and acting to conquer them.

Not to dream is a slow death of the soul. Don’t give in to this! You do deserve better! You can reach for goals. All you have to do is give yourself license to let go, take a chance on you, and dream.

Welcome … Glad you could stop by and visit for a minute.

In the coming months this site will discuss how to work towards our goals & chase our dreams. Along with that, we will talk about eliminating roadblocks and excuses that slow our progress. We will also talk about out our fears: how they paralyze us, and keep us from moving forward.

These issues and discussions apply whether you are seeking a job, writing a book, getting over a relationship, are struggling with addictions, or find yourself clean and /or sober.

You will also find this space useful if your were in an abusive relationship or family situation, and are wanting to move on and better yourself.

For those that have been told;

“You’ll never amount to anything.”
“Nobody wants you.”
“You can’t do that. Who are you kidding?”

You CAN do whatever you set your mind to. There are people who want you for you. And you WILL amount to something … you can do what you want with your life because it’s yours now.

I look forward to talking with all the people who participate in this conversation.